Beached in San Diego

So... Turns out it's hard to get into the blog game.  I have always been more of an "it's all in the delivery" kind of gal, so perhaps a blog isn't my best medium.  Regardless, I am making a second attempt.  Here it goes:

A few weekends ago I was down in San Diego to coach a lacrosse tournament with three of my coaching friends. The tournament ended on Sunday, but due to flight prices, we were flying out on Monday evening. So, we decided to head to the beach on Monday to catch the last rays of sunshine before plummeting into the dark raininess that is Vancouver winter.

So, here we are on Monday at Pacific beach in San Diego.  It is beautiful! Sun is shining, ocean is roaring, and we're all out there frolicking in the water when one of the girls finds a sand star! Then another, then another, until we have a total of 5 stars amongst us.  So, determined to find my own star, I start wading out into the water, head bent, straining to see the sand so I can pluck a sand star.  It seems totally easy since the water is about 2-3 ft shallow for a good ways out, but inevitably, I get bored and start swimming/splashing around in the water instead.  After swimming around for a minute, I get tired and go to stand up...

There is no ground beneath me...
In fact, the ground is far enough below me that when I submerge my head, I still can't feel the ground.

"Damn, (I'm thinking) there must be a shelf here." and when I look up, my friend, let's call her Sam, is literally 30 ft away from me, standing in 2ft deep water. So, I start casually swimming forward, holding my sunglasses and hair clip in one hand, keeping my head above water. Swim, swim, swim, swim.. try to touch the ground.

Nothing.

And Sam is still 20-30 ft away from me... So now I am thinking... I must have been further out than I thought.  It's pretty hard to gauge distance in the water anyway. So I start swimming a little more aggressively...

but still holding the sunglasses....
 (As an aside, I swam competitively for 8 years...so I'm not a terrible swimmer.)

So I'm swimming a lot harder until I'm pretty tired, and at this point I reach my feet down...and still nothing! Sam is STILL 20-30 ft away from me. Something is up, so to ponder the situation over I flip onto my back to do some kicking. I'm still thinking: I must not be swimming very hard, and I must have been further out than I thought.

Then I flip over to re-evaluate the situation, when I see there's a commotion on the beach. A lifeguard truck is tearing across the beach, sirens ON. I'm thinking: Crazy! I wonder what's going on over there!
but then...
The truck stops at the edge of the water and a lifeguard jumps out baywatch style: shirtless WITH the buoy, and starts running into the water.

Oh no...

it's for me...

the lifeguard is running out to save me... and I probably need to die of embarrassment now... but wait...there's more.

He runs about 10ft away from me off to the side and yells, "SWIM TO ME" with big hand motions.  I take two freestyle strokes, and BAM, there's sand 2 ft under me. So I stand up, and shame-walk the remainder of the way to mr. baywatch...still holding my sunglasses... and appearing to everyone on the beach as a girl who pretended to drown...

Baywatch: "You did a really good job of not panicking out there"
Me: "haha...yeah... I didn't really know I was in trouble..."
Friends on the beach: dying of laughter, video taping the whole thing.

Turns out that the whole beach dipped down close to where we were goofing around, which caused all the waves crashing in to go toward this dip and then back out to the ocean in the equivalent of a river.  At the neck of this river is where I ended up; where the waves kept me forward, but the river kept me back.  Turns out the lifeguards like to call it the "hole," and apparently, during this whole ordeal, the lifeguard tower had been making overhead announcements over the whole beach:
"SWIMMER IN THE HOLE, SWIM PARALLEL TO THE BEACH"
Little did they know, I WAS IN THE OCEAN, and couldn't hear their wimpy PA system, but if I could hear them, then we wouldn't have this gem of a story...
When I almost unknowingly drowned in San Diego...

Mothra

For this story to make sense, I'm going to need to throw out a little background. The first thing you need to know, is I am deathly afraid of flying insects, namely moths. This is a completely rational fear as they have been seeking me out for years to fly into my face and burrow under my neck while I sleep and other terrifying instances of aggression from the moth world.  Even my family can attest to the unnatural attraction of moths/butterflies to my face. ugh...it's a life long battle.

So a couple days ago, I got a pretty bad cut on my leg, and then I spent the whole weekend hiking and swimming in the ocean and not cleaning it. So I went to a movie last night and when I got back I decided I should probably clean it up.  So I make up some saline solution and head to the bathroom. I have to take off my pants to get the the cut on my shin, so I'm sitting on the ledge at the edge of my shower getting it all cleaned up.  So I'm just getting a piece of soaked cotton onto my leg when...

A GIANT MOTH FLIES IN. I kid you not. Like a bat out of hell this golf ball sized moth flies into the bathroom and straight into the shower with me.  At which point I am TERRIFIED, try to crawl backwards without touching it or agitating it, once I get about 50% out of the shower, it takes off and begins tearing around the room. IT IS SO BIG THAT WHEN IT HITS THINGS IT MAKES A LOUD THUMP! WHEN IT FLIES ACROSS LIGHTS THE ROOM IS DARKENED. At this point I am hyperventilating, I am curled into the tightest ball I can manage, aaaand I'm considering crying.  Feeling the need to run, but being too scared to go bare, I grab my hand towel, rap it around my head babushka style, and crawl out of the bathroom as fast as possible. Safely in the living room, the following things become very clear:

1) I live in an apartment on the 19th floor of a very industrial side of the city. The living room door is closed and there is only ONE window open that is 4'x1' wide and only open about 1/3 of the way. This moth CLEARLY has a vendetta against me. To be very clear, this is also the THIRD time this moth has done something equally unfathomable and aggressive in the last four months.  I've been catching and releasing because I can't fathom having it's angry squirming body in my fingers...eep!
2) The lights in the kitchen and the living room are also on, and the both would have to be crossed through to get to the bathroom... WHY THE BATHROOM?!

After quickly noting these interesting facts, I promptly ran to my bedroom, where I hid for the remainder of the evening.



I hate flying insects so much...

Bathroom mirrors

I thought yesterday that nothing was more embarrassing than checking your butt out in the bathroom mirror and getting walked in on...but not one to let myself get too comfortable...I found something that topped it.

Today I was re-hooking my recalcitrant bra strap onto its hook on my back while trying not to take my shirt off in the women's bathroom and in walks my co-worker...who is from China...and not only speaks very poor english, but now has no idea what to say or do. Since I have both hands rooting around in the back of my shirt and most of my torso showing at this point, I am pretty compromised. She apologizes and rushes past me into the rest of the bathroom.

I am definitely going to be the topic of the Chinese gossip today, man...I need to learn Mandarin.

Peeves

There are few things that bother me more than stranger touching... here's one of them, let me set the scene:

I'm in a completely empty public bathroom with three or more stalls (let's say 5), and I enter into the furthest edge stall so that no one will sit right next to me while I'm doing my business. Enter new person.

Why is it that this new person ALWAYS chooses the stall directly adjacent to me? There are FIVE other stalls! Why did you feel the need to get as close as possible to me to pee in this gigantic bathroom?! UGH!

Imagining the tenth dimension

Really well explained! Super intertesting!

Watch Imagining the ten dimensions in Educational  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

If you're the first person to meet aliens

This was sent from a friend, SO funny!

Definition: Hangry

n. Hanger, v. Hangry: Coined by the sister to describe the point in time when you are so hungry, you become angry. Marked by unnecessary short temper and what appears to the sufferer as "a bunch of idiots who can't get their lives together enough that I can get a bite to eat! GARRRRRG!"

Definition: Cube Farm

n. Cube Farm: A semi-circle of bench style desktop with no dividing walls that houses 3 to 5 workers. Each semi-circle has a 2' partition wall behind the computers where workers can post lonely personal items.

Definition: Stranger Touching

n. Stranger Touching: When a complete stranger has no body awareness and continuously invades your personal space and touches you regardless of repeated exaggerated non-verbal attempts to tell them they should stop.  Common areas where stranger touching occurs: planes, movie theaters, take-out counters in Chinatown

How to sleep while sitting upright

Now to be clear, I don't condone sleeping at work, but sometimes the need arises and it is SO necessary. As a result, I am a self proclaimed specialist in sitting perfectly upright while sleeping. Here is how it's done:

1. position chair so your body points directly at your computer, then scootch your chair all the way in so that the desk supports the lower part of your upper body.
2. pull bangs down artistically in front of face. This has the added bonus of making you look good, when really you are using them to camouflage the closed eye closest to the hallway.
3. pull up something on your computer that looks like you're working, but doesn't need you to physically interact with it. In my case, this is always a scholarly article.
4. place right hand on mouse, left arm wedged between your body and the desk, and proceed to sleep.

This has worked so well at work that often times I have colleagues come up to me and start talking to me while I am sit-sleeping, to which I immediately turn my swivel chair and begin talking to them in a manner which seems to say, "why, I've just been sitting here awake this whole time, what can I help you with?"

Beware though! A brief tale of caution: Often sit-sleeps are great for a quick snooze/reboot, but don't let it get out of hand! Sit-sleeps are only thwarted by the hibernate function on your computer, which leaves you sitting very still in front of a computer that is off, which is quite the embarrassing situation to be caught in by your cube-mates. Believe me, I know from experience...